This is the type of day I would normally waste, and I still might. I’m feeling blue & pouty. I need attention. So far this need has expressed itself as a bait post in a discord server, but the day is still young.
It’s a strange feeling being lonely and isolated but not wanting to interact w/ most ppl I know, while the people I do want to interact with are not very interacty at the moment. The general feeling of being a waste of skin and potential is just the f33f33z throwing a quiet tantrum. I still need to meditate and to do some work. And, in general, I know that the solution to a dumb problem like this is to stop concentrating on the self and concentrate on the external matters, to not Be but Do, which is really a slogan I need to print and post at my bedside to remind self of this secret hack to stop being a piece of shit.
The dopamine system being messed up is the roadblock to doing, though. I’m supposed to be on a dopamine detox/fast to fix my baseline. It’s not going well. Binged a bunch of the Old Gods of Appalachia episodes this morning. Yesterday, I watched a bunch of TikTok videos to catch up on the latest WitchTok gossip. Next week it’ll be a month since I started this shit. With the way I’ve been falling off the wagon, I might have to extend it another month.